Friday, 27 June 2014

been proven wrong

I have had many people walk in and out of my life. And a lot of them have been anything but nice to me.  Over the years most of my friend have turn against me and hurt me in some way. I got to the point last year where I could not go through that any more. I honestly though I was better off alone. But  then won  day last year my opinion changed, in fact my hole life changed its never been quite the same since.

It all started with me needing to go down to my local Conner store. I had not been feeling to well that day but manged to get round the store but fainted at the checkout. The girl who was serving me came and help me along with other kind people. The store manger then ask the girl to walk me home, to make shore I was  ok. We both got on really well and by the time we had walk to my flat we had clicked. i could of carried on talking to her for the rest of the day. It was so nice to finally talk to someone who had the same opinions as me. I gave her my number but as doing so i new in the back of my mind I  would never hear off her again. I got prove 'en wrong that day, she messaged me as soon as she fished her shived .
when i first met her i worried that when she sore the real me, she would be scerd away. but To my grate surprise she stayed and excepted me for exactly who i am. In a such short space of time we became best friends.
i have learnt so much from her it unbelievable, i have so much to thank her for. She has always help me to be my self and  tough me not to change for others. she also tough me that growing up was no bad thing and you could be adult and still have fun an act like a kid. i have actually learnt from us falling out too. I've learnt about love, patience and bounders, i done so much growing up sinse knowing her. I like to say I've  become more sensible but actually i have become more crazy and weird in a good way.
we have been through so much together, threes not Manny situations i  haven't been in with her. we both  have been there for each other through the low and the highs and we definitely  have fallen out a hell of a lot.  To the point were i honestly thought we were not going to last. But all the satiation we've  been in has just made are relationship stronger.  It now been nine months since we met, un i feel so lucky to have found someone like her. you don't often come a cross people like her she a won of a kind. i have spent years trying to find someone like her and am so glad i found her. i known this might sound cheesy but she is honestly won of the best things to have happened to me. i don't no what i do with out her. i feel so dam rich having her in my life. it was like winning the lottery when i met her. am always so thank full of her for every thing she dose for me she always her for me no matter what. i  love her more than anything else in the world.

she proven  me wrong in so Manny ways every day , like her staying when the going get tuff. un haw loyal she always is i finally learnt that there are  still people about that you can trust. not every won will turn there back on you. i never come a gross a girl like her before she so Unix. i never thought i be writing a blog like this let alone feeling like i do. i feel so natural round her like i dont have to fake a think. which i did in the past with others.
i cant believe haw much my opinion has changed since i met her. she help me grow as a person for the better and is honestly won reason for me still been here to day..

you may wonder why on earth i am telling you all of this and i guess in a way. i wonted to try and show you all, that not every won is the same.  to not give up hope like i nearly did there will always be someone who cares or someone out there who would love to be your best friend or lover or both. un  to really really cherish that person if you find them because i can honesty tell you there one in a billion. dont close your heart to new things and people haw every much you might have been hurt.  your missing a lot if you do shy away from finding new people to be with. i know it is making your self vunrabel by buting your self out there. but i tell you it can be so worth it some times !

Friday, 9 May 2014

True love

hey i haven't bloged in a wile, sorry it been so long. recently i been thinking a lot about love and haw my views on it has changed over the years.
I only learnt recently what real true love is. True love isn't Something you come a cross every day. Your  lucky to find real love with someone ones in your life your even luckier to find it twice . As a wise person told me love is a slow burner. It isn't Something That just happens offer night. It can take months for a liking to grow in to loving someone. it a rare and beautiful thing when you find true love.
the true meaning of love is loving someone  know  matter what. standing by them and loving and excepting there flaws. it not just  about been there in the good times it about been there when the going get about forgiveness and trust and loyalty.
when i was younger i could only guess what love truly meant i honestly believed i did know what it was.
but now i relies i  didn't know the true meaning at all. i was so naive when it came to relationships and love. I laugh and cringe at my self  at how i was when i when it to my first relationship 8 month a go. i kissed the girl owns and ask weather we were official. and i mistook liking for love we hadn't even stared going out properly and i told her i love her. i rally really liked  her a lot but i hadn't been with her long enough to now that i  really loved her.

for me  last December was when everything click in to place and made seance to me.
I had been dating this girl who I like very much. I found out she had cheated on me, we broke up but we remained good friends. It was then That I realised that I  truly loved her, to me  it didn't matter what she had done I was going to stay and be there through everything. i wanted to carry on knowing her and having her as part of my live. i hated the thought of lousing her. my life would of honestly suck with out her.
it something i used to find quite hard to explain to other people,about why i stayed but it because i truly love her. you no you truly love some won when u can see past and love them for their  flaws and insecurities. you put there happiness before your own, you do anything for them. Love is like gravity. Your whole centre shifts, Suddenly, it's not the Earth holding you here it them.

i think in the past i had a complicated few on what love was it not as complicated as people make out.
i personally think true  love is the most beautiful thing, love is all you need it rally dose concur every thing. i feel incredibly lucky to experience it first hand, to me it the best feeling in the world. i feel blessed i feel like the richest girls. i personally think it the greatest gift you could get or give to someone. cherish that gift and never let it go, be shore to take good care of it. 

i never thought in a million year that it was even possible that someone could really love me. that i would fall head over heals in love with someone. that i find the girl of my dreams,  i cant believe am saying this but i have i found the won, the person i cant see my self with out. she my best friend the person i care most about, i feel very lucky like i won the lottery. as i found love is the best feeling in the world be it can also be the most painful. knowing that you can not  see or be with the won you love all the time because of distance, or other reasons. i know because the parson i love lives 30 miles away but as i have discovered it doesn't matter where u or your partner is in the world. or what your both going through  because love Will bring you together love concourse every thing. 

Saturday, 22 March 2014

body image issue

In this blog I want to talk to you all about body image. It's a topic I feel strongly about, so many girls and guys are worried about how They look. Society has an effect on us all when it come down to are image.I know me and some of my friends Have really been affected by Low self-esteem and body image issues.  I think won reason why so many of use have these  issue is because society has this perfect ideal looking person that is portrayed in the Media. over the years we have been conditioned in to thinking that people should look a serten way. if you don't look a sertern way and you look supposedly different then you get singled out and picked on. if you have a  womanly figure people think your fat when your not.
 Young people want to luck like that person on the magazine.  they try and make them self look like exactly like what they see. Witch is Impossible because the Media  have made models and celebrates look like that by air brushing. They use technology to create the perfect image the perfect a society we think it  wrong to be curvy and to have a bum and boobs. Why is it that society thinks that stick thin people  are good looking un sexy.? It always the thin girl that look toned or the guy with abs that have the main roles. curvy girls are always the best friend in the the supporting role.

for me growing up i got bullied about my image i was the quirky girl with round  glasses and braces
i remember if when i was a kid and looking at people in movies and saying i wish i look that beautiful
and thin i thought i was fat at the age of 8. i wonted to look like the other girls at school. i wonted to be perfect. i remember when i was a young teen i had just started middle school  i put on a Stone and i cried i thought i was fat and made my self lose the Stone again. i honestly thought i was ugly i had more people saying that i didn't look nice than i had saying i was pretty.
 my sister thought she was fat she would say to me i need to lose wight am not thin enough  I'm not pretty. my sister as always been sick thin and petty i wanted to be like her. i wanted to grow up looking like Hannah Montana or any of these other TV Disney stars.  i would binge eat and then i would stop eat for to days because i felt guilty i was like this for many years . i never felt pretty enough even to this day.

last September i stop eating probably at all i would hardly eat anything, and if i did i have to make my self sick and or take laxatives. i look in the mirror and say i look ugly you cant see what other people see. i look on the Internet for ways of losing weight. id take lose wight pills. i wanted to look like anything but me i would of taken plastic surgery if some had offed it to me. all because i wanted to look like this perfect that i soure on a magazine and on TV. i punished my self for the way i looked, i thought it was the reason now won wonted to go out with me. my self esteem was at rock botem. I got diagnosed with a eating disorder in December last year.

i still have my eating disorder but i have manged to get to a place were i don't feel bad and insecure with out make up i never use to be able to go out side with spending a hour or tow on my appearance i was so paranoid about how i looked. i try now  and love my self as i am there surten thing i cant change about how i look. am never going to look like that girl on the magazine because the girl on the magazine doesn't look like that either.  i would like to point out, i no i have a big problem with my image which i am constantly working to try and improve the way i see my self.

i have friends who have had  smiler problems to me, and it horrible to see. they cant see what i see how  pretty they look. i believe every won look pretty in there own right. and beauty is a state of mind. to me some who as no hair is beautiful, some who as scars for some reason or a unusual mark on there face it dose make them any the less. pretty and stunning and beautiful.

It horrible how society see image and how it controls a lot of are life's. it horrible haw it afect young people as young as 6 how developed eating problems and self image issues it not right. yes there are people  who have positive views on image and serten people and organisations are changing people mides about the way they see image. but it not enough we need to more to raise awareness and teach young people about positive ways to see body image.  society and conditioned and brain washed are mind in to thinking and seeing thing in a particular way.

i would love to see a magazine that  has pictures of girls and guys wearing no make up and showing people how to look after you skin in heathey ways. show people that is OK to have curves and you don't have have abs to look sexy.

and to everyown   out there who don't think there beautiful or pretty you are don't listen to what any won else says !  love is loder than the presure to be perfect :)

Friday, 21 March 2014

invisable problems

hey i want to talk to all my readers to day about invisible problems. It difficult having a invisible problem or disability,  i mean if u have a physical disability every wons all over you. people feel Riley sorry for the person in the wheelchair or who is blind or  other physical conditios. there fisable to people so the under stand more and they can see that there dealing with a lot.
but for some like me who have hidden problems there not fisable to the eye nesserlaly. beause most of my conditions are all to do with the brain, people can't see what a tuff time some won  like me is going through. It essayer for people like  me to hide what there going through so people don't know.
In the past i have had people not believe me when i say what i have been diagnosed with like bi polor or dyslexia. they will desmiss it because the cant see anything wrong with me. In the past i have had a lot of prejudiced offer my codistions. when i was a kid in second grade my school dident belive me when i got diagnose with dyslexia and dyspraxia. they said there was no such thing and it was an exuse that i didn't try hard enufe. soome told me the reson i was so clumsy was becouse i was fat. quite a few people have come up with theorys of why am like haw i am and trying to dismiss my diagnoises . a long the lines of she just stupid slow docent try hard enuve, she makes her self low she dose it for attention. i could go on for ever with exampules. i think some of the hate and prejudice i got was because of ignorantce, there isent a lot of  comon knowledge about some of the isuse i face. people defanatly need more education on such issue as Bipolor and  borderline personalatly desoder and any other disapilatys that are not well kown about.

i wont people to relise people like me are dealing with a hell of a lot and just because you cant see the  strugels dosent mean there not there.  for me i have seven diagnosed isuse all of wich are manly to do with how you brain functions. for the people who dont no no  i have bipolar, eating desoder. borderline personalty desoder, erlings, dyslexia and dyspraxia and dyscalculia. plus all the isuse every won cope with. i dont think people rellly relse what a constent strugle it is for some like me i mean just having to deal with one is enove to cope with. copeing with  my life can be really tuff it feels like a constent big war that you lose most of the time. you win ocasonly and for to second your ok and you lose it agin. dont get me wrong i have lurnt so much having all this isuse am a better person. it hard having inviiabale problems people just see a normal girl on the out side. people dont seam to under stand so
 just remmber never juge a book by it cover u never now whar that person is deling with. just be mindful of the fact that person could be dealing with somthing,be careful about jumping to conclutions.
you dont no what that person hiding or going through at home or in there minds. take a minnute and think befor you hastely juge and think you no that person. never belittle what some going through it may seam like somthing small to you but it not to a nother person.

if u want to know about any more about the conditions i mestions in my blog i would be happy to  try and expaine in more detail.

Sunday, 16 March 2014

my best friend

OK this blog post is dedicated to won special person she my best friend. I met her last year in September it was Cinda weird how we met, i was in my local Conner store and i clapsed at the check out. She was the won serving me, she came to my rescue straight a way along with a few other kind people. she walk me back home and we immediately clicked it was kinda serial for me i didn't think she would ever talk to me again. but her i am now writing about her and my friendship 6 months down the line and were best friends. we have both been through so much together  over the last couple of months, but we have stuck by each other through every thing. i keep on worrying when she going to leave and turn here  back on me, it never happened that true friends for you they don't leave they say and stand by you. i never experience anything like this friendship before i feel so lucky. she tough me so much, she always reminds me to be my self and how to have banter and a laugh with people. i learnt haw to except my self and not were makeup i learnt so much from her.

i am so grateful to of met her and to have her in my life even just as a best friend. i really do think are friendship is something special and Unix, i try and explain to other people they cant quite believe what a good relationship we have going. we no each other like a book u no off by heart, she never judges me and support me through everything.she dose annoy me some time aspeshly when she can't  see how beautiful she is. she can be a bitch some time and some times very silly much i fear for her a lot
 i wanted to tell u all about this because  this girl has had such a impact on my life in so many ways. she my inspiration she amazing and unic and definitely not normal. i love her for who she is flaws and all i wouldn't  change a thing. she help me get through some really dark times and that am thankful for. she brightens my days up she can make me smile even when i don't  feel like it. she so talented and beautiful in side and out she the best thank you for always sticking by me. i appreciate you and every thing you do ilove you and need you more than you now i will love you uncoditnoly i alway be ther and ill stand by you no mater what your amazing to me never foget that

and to all of you out there appreciate the people you have around not tack them for granted cherish and love them and saver every moment when your with them.


Hey this blog is going to be about family and what i consider family to be.
people have all sort of view on what family is, when i was a kid i though that the normal family was a mum and a dad and two kid. i thought had to be related by marriage or blood. i got told you don't chose your family well that true, but the thing i release is just because your related doesn't make you family. i think been related and family are to different things. to me now family means loyalty unconditional love and support and acceptance. it all about been there for some now matter what been there when there isn't any won else,family sick up for each other. so to me family can be a groupie of people who aren't related a best friend or teacher. what am trying to say is you can make a family out of anything it doesn't have to be as structure to say i have a mom or a dad.i think family means so much more than that. i don't think there is such a thing as a typical family there all different.

am proud of my family even tho my family is not  a what you might call normal. i love all of them ifen tho they push my buttons.  theirs my trans mom my cross dressing dad and my birth mum. sian the sister i never had that i can call up even after we haven't spoken in years and it be like we never stop speaking. that what family is about. my real sister who i hate most of the time but love dearly. my music teacher at school and my tutor  they both are family to me to. a  my best friend Emma who feels like family even tho i haven't known her that long.

 Am lucky to have my family they have help me through so much .  am very grateful for them ifen if they do annoy me all the time. i find with family you don't always want them around but you no there there when you need them.
never take your family for granted respect them and love them and don't be ashamed of them they might not be what society expect a family to be. always sick by them and  show you are proud.

Thursday, 27 February 2014

been grateful

Ok in this blog post  i am going to talk to you all about how lucky am. i don't think people say it or think it enough, they don't think of there blessings and how lucky they are To have lovely people in there life’s. every won always focuses on what they don’t have, and what they wont. people aren't often grateful for what  they have in that moment. 
i think it relly important to focus on what you have right now  and think about all the good things and be thankful for them. be bless for the little things in live it not all about the big things. 

I my self am very grateful for what i have, and the people in my life. maybe i don’t tell them enough. how much i love and care and apprestaite them. first my trans mom jane she but up with so much but she still always there for me. thank you so much for every thing you do for me. am sorry for been haw i am some time , thank you for been the best mum a girl could wish for. to my birth mum thank you for fighting my conner and putting  up with me and am so lucky to have such wonderful perent's. to my dad i actually care a lot about you and am so glad and lucky to be blessed with a dad again. 
Then there my best friend am so so incredibly  lucky to have her. she shown me that there are still people in the world that truthful and loyal. i am so thankful to her for always  sticking by me in thick and so bless to have some who will except me for me. 

i could go on for ever saying how lucky i am. am not going to but i just wanted to remind every won out there how important it is to be thankful for the thing you have.and never take people for granted. count your blessing every day and be lucky for the little things in life. like some taking the time to help you a hug or some coming to see you. if you don't appreciate thing you end up learning the hard way.  looking back and regretting that you weren't thankful for that person or thing in your life.