been bipolar

last year i got diagnosed with having bipolar disorder, it not something i would wish on any won.
I can udder stand why people say you don't live long when you have the disorder. you can be a hazard to your self, both when your high and low. But it doesn't have to end in a tragic loss of some won. there are ways of coping, like going  on medication and having therapy. you also have to be able  to be strong and do a lot to help you self. as for haw you get the disorder am still undecided on what i believe.
some say your born with it or it run in the family, some say you can develop it because of horrible  or emotional thing happening in your life. i believe i developed it because of horrible event happening in my life. but i do not  pretend to under stand the how Bipolar works or how you come to have it.
a lot of people don't really understand or aprestait what people like me go through. I remember when i first noticing there was something wrong, it was back when i was in high school. i would go in to school one day rally highper i go so fast and i couldn't keep still in class. I skipped lessens if i could because i rather be doing something, like walking or doing something rally creative. my friend thought i was on drugs, i wasn't  happy when i had  high day. I never could feel real happiness or pleshore in anything i did. and though day were i felt high would last for days even weeks. my family began noticing and altho they enjoyed me being so active they found me quit exsorsting. i get rally cross and inpatient and think i coud do anything, I'd say i could do thing and pack my week full of thing with out giving my self a brake. i walk a long distances and leve the hose in a mess. i would start tasks and not finsh them. i was doing all of this and not sleeping or eating much. i'd be still awake when the sun was coming up. i allways be so posative when i was high too. i spend huge amount of moony just in won day. My family never new were i was.
Then i'd go low all of a suden like l would go to school in the mornig high and come back low. some time it would tack me a hole day to go low, it was a horrible feeling i felt like was sinking and everthing been sucked out of me. of corse people would always ask what was wrong. but the thing was nothing was making me un happy i just go like that. Then i would be alll negaitive and i hated my self, i self harm and i felt so suisidel too. at my worst there were days i would get out of bed i had no energy at all, i dident feel at the time like i had any power to make my self not be like this. I but on a funny film and i still mange to cry. I could't cheere my self up at al, l the way i started coping was to drink. i like drinking alchol because i could feel normal i fell actuly pure happyness i got quit addicted to it.
I ether was low or high or jusr numb i never had a normal day, were i felt propaly like my self. My conffedence whent up and down with my mood.  Every thing depended on my mood and i felt like i waesnt in contol of my self.
there is a lot you can do to help your self to cope and you can train your brain to deal with it better. do meditation have a good rauteen have therapy. But depending on the saveaty of the desoder some people cant do this with out medication to help.  Experts believe bipolar disorder is partly caused by an underlying problem with specific brain circuits and the balance of brain chemicals called neurotransmitters. people have come up to me and said well  your a  young person your going to have mood swing your going throught a tuff time in your life. i have this a lot people dont under stand bipolor is dificalt to deal with.  It not essy and some people cope with it better than uther and it not just mood swings there so much mpre that people like me have to cope with.  For a young person like me i think it even harder because you have to try and cope with nomal hormonal mood swing and then cope with the bipolar as well. for some poeople i think that bipolar is desapaling it affected  me on a daly bacise.  I could not work or go out and enjoy my self proplay,  i had no independece becose i  could not cope with eny responsabelatys. like dealing with my finances and cearing for my self.
there is a lot you can do to help your self to cope and you can train your brain to deal with it better. do meditation have a good rauteen have therapy. But depending on the saveaty of the desoder some people cant do this with out medication to help.  Experts believe bipolar disorder is partly caused by an underlying problem with specific brain circuits and the balance of brain chemicals called neurotransmitters. people have come up to me and said well  your a  young person your going to have mood swing your going throught a tuff time in your life. i have this a lot people dont under stand bipolor is dificalt to deal with.  It not essy and some people cope with it better than uther and it not just mood swings there so much mpre that people like me have to cope with.  For a young person like me i think it even harder because you have to try and cope with nomal hormonal mood swing and then cope with the bipolar as well. for some poeople i think that bipolar is desapaling it affected  me on a daly bacise.  I could not work or go out and enjoy my self proplay, i had no independece becose i  could not cope with eny responsabelatys. like dealing with my finances and cearing for my self.
i just like to say to any won who is suffering from a mood desoder of some kind, don't let the desoder own you it not you and stay stong it dose get better. Any won who has gone through enthing i have full admration ,for you all are beautiful people. just becouse you have a esuse it docent make you week or crazy. And rember the essuse it  docent define you as a person so don't let it.
i olso would like to thank every won who as been there for me and helping in me stay strong. who as put up with me though all i have but them through. i am so grateful for the people who have stuck by be. and to the people who have desonde me am sorry that you could not see past my desoder to see the real me.
i made menny sepret  atemps on my life in the times i was low, i had there sepret mager a temps ending me in hospital. people would ask me why i would wont to to somthink like this.  I aways maide a reson up i felt enparesed saying ,well i am feeling reely low and i just got in to my head to do it. I olso developed an eting desoder when i was low last year because of how negative i was feeling about my self. and my low like my highs would last for weeks.
having lows rellly scerd me  because of the danger i was to my self  but  the high olso scerd my beause i could make prober jugment about things i defently did befor i thought. it was rely good for me when i got diagnosed because i new there was somthng wrong. in sted of me thinking i was crazy. i tryed to help my self and go down the root of not having medication.  But it got to the point last year where people were saying there nothing left of that girl i new i become somthing else beause of the bipolor.
I think by the end of last year i wanted to end my life becouse idident whant to carriy on living like i was. i was having panic attact all the time i was a mess i dident have much help or impout form the mental heath team at all. Un till the end of last year when the finaly but me on medication, wich change my life completely. I fellt so much more like my self and i am now in a postion where i can help my self.  and can finally begin to get my life back. i relise now i was living have life been restricted so much.and now i am not , because now i am on medication i can rally benefit from the help that on offer.  am not saying am cured because am not you just lurn how to cope and live with it better.


haha thank you for eny won who as read my blog all they way through well done ;)